I don’t believe in astrology, but according to the Gallup Strengthsfinder program, one of my top strengths is “connectedness,” a sense or conviction that all things are connected and that things happen for a reason. Perhaps that is why, having …Continue reading →
I lifted the covering of an object on my dressing table and found a replica of the upper half of my torso. I tried to remember where it had come from. I recalled that I had common gadget that would …Continue reading →
After days of cold and snow, snow and cold, and cold or snow, there was a partial thaw last Sunday. At this point, the ground is so saturated that the melting snow and ice run off into the street or …Continue reading →
As far as people go, my heart is quite broken. As far as people go, I don’t want any more. I can’t stand any more. What heart I ever had for it — for life with people — is quite broken. I want to be alone, mother: with you here, and Phoenix perhaps to look after horses and drive a car. But I want to be by myself, really.
I’m convinced that ever since men and women were men and women, people who took things seriously, and had time for it, got their hearts broken. Haven’t I had mine broken? It’s as sure as having your virginity broken: and it amounts to about as much. It’s a beginning rather than an end.
I’ve got to live for something that matters, way down in me. And I think sex would matter to my very soul, if it was really sacred. But cheap sex kills me . . . I dislike [men] because they’re not men enough: babies, and playboys, and poor things showing off all the time, even to themselves. I don’t say I’m any better. I only wish, with all my soul, that some men were bigger and stronger and deeper than I am . . . No, mother, of this I am convinced: either my taking a man shall have a meaning and a mystery that penetrates my very soul, or I will keep to myself . . . And to [the spirit that is wild], my sex is deep and sacred, deeper than I am, with a deep nature aware deep down of my sex.
Virgil and I were at a carnival and volunteered for an act. We were placed inside a structure like a water tower. It was strange because we did nothing, and no one could see us. Suddenly there was a light …Continue reading →
Another day of snow. Three days, three falls. And numerous failed (?) attempts. Graceful I’m not, but nothing broken. According to the good doctor, Hodge has a tender bladder. Better that than other organs we could name. …Continue reading →
I don’t feel well today, and I meant to get over it this morning and to be at work by noon. I couldn’t, as it turns out, and so I am home for the day. Dreaming was not therapeutic. I …Continue reading →