Winners of the Ayn Rand “Objectivism” award include people who:
Public transportation edition
- Strut into the semi-enclosed bus shelter to light and consume cowboy killers.
- Cut ahead of everyone in line to board by edging in from the side.
- Rush to the front of the line only to rummage through their pockets for the fare (extra points if they pay in pennies).
- Stand in front of the fare reader, blocking it and the passage to the rest of the bus. Extra points if they seem annoyed at being bumped by those trying to get past them.
- Continue to sit while the elderly, disabled, and pregnant stand.
- Jab their seat mate with their flailing elbows while looking through bags.
- Spread their packages or legs out over an adjacent seat even as the bus becomes standing room only. Extra points for each seat taken.
- Sit half on their neighbor. They may forfeit the award, however, if they apologize.
- Stand in the doorway of the bus asking the driver directions as though he or she is the Shell Answer Man, while green lights come and green lights go.
- Sprawl their legs into the aisle for others to step over. Extra points if they seem annoyed when they’re accidentally kicked.
- Spread their short legs to take up a seat and a half.
- Discuss personal business loudly on their mobiles.
- Eat and drink, leaving the wrappers and remnants to encourage pests.
- Use the horn at red lights.
- Believe that signs like “No Turn on Red” are for others.
- Make left-hand turns into pedestrians who have the right of way.
- Go through the changing yellow light to ensure the intersection is blocked.
- Tune out the deafening wail of sirens and booms of fire truck horns 10 feet away.
- Park over the line to avoid scratches.
- Talk on their mobiles, unaware they’re about to run over three pedestrians in the crosswalk.
- Shoot out of parking garages at top speed undeterred by either pedestrians on the sidewalk or traffic.
Grocery shopping edition
- Bring the entire family during the busiest time and let the children loose.
- Stand in the 10 items or less line with a full cart despite the prominent signs.
- Park the grocery cart on one side of the aisle and themselves on the other, then are put out or surprised when anyone wants to get past them.
- Park the grocery cart in the middle of the aisle, with same reaction.
- Stand in front of a section to contemplate every product, size, and price, oblivious to the people they’re blocking who know what they want but who can’t get to it.
- Plop refrigerated and frozen perishables they’ve decided they don’t want onto the magazine rack while complaining about increasing prices.
- Stand in line at the cash register while the spouse and kids do the shopping.
- Argue with the cashier over the price of every item, no matter how long the line is.
Public places edition
- Plow through everyone who’s trying to get off the elevator, train, bus, etc., in their hurry to get on.
- Wait until they are at the metal detector to fish around in each pocket, removing items one at a time. Extra points for those who go through this ritual every day at their workplace security’s checkpoint.
- Walk three abreast on the sidewalk.
- Are the first to sit at the movies and take the row’s outside seats, ensuring a dozen people will have to crawl and trip over them.
- Cough relentlessly during musical or theatrical performances.
- Forget to turn their mobiles off in restaurants and at performances. Everyone’s a doctor on call.
- Go through the single partition of a revolving door two at a time.
- Let doors smack back into someone else’s face.
- Talk with their mouths full.
- Use their mobile phones in the public restroom. While flushing.
- Reach across people in the restroom for soap or towels rather than walking around. The rest of the world is in the way.
- Email coworkers five minutes after emailing their initial request, demanding to know why it hasn’t been answered.
- Delete emails from coworkers and subordinates unread, then wonder why they never got the information they requested.
- Blame the misdialed person when they get a wrong number.
- Call IT every time they do something like turn off their menu bars.
- Call an IT person directly rather than using the help desk.